Ladies and gentlemen, dear friends and colleagues, in this manifesto I will present you some ideas for keeping important books and documents effectively for a long time, at the same time making them very readable and enjoyable. This is very important, because the techniques presented in this chapter are specifically intended for books and documents of fundamental importance for humankind.
For the first time in history these writings will be enjoyed by all the teachers, clerks, students, pupils and others, that is, by all the gentlemen, young and not very young, which are the foundation and strength of our country and the pride of our society ! Moreover, we have the wonderful opportunity to create new inventions that would bring to our Homeland, Romania, money from royalties from the entire territory of the European Union and even from the whole world.
With this innovation we are going to try to stimulate the men and boys of our Fatherland, to learn and to read much, to cultivate themselves, to get informed. Also, they will be strongly motivated to keep for Eternity their own thoughts, ideas and discoveries. They would also make thousands of copies of rare and important books, so that these can be read by millions of passionate readers. And this copying activity will not be a chore, it will be a great pleasure for the first time in history.
We propose the use of a new support, which would be sturdier and more durable than paper, more beautiful than parchment, more readily available than electronic support. We are referring to the attractive butts of some patriotic and highly responsible ladies, with high civic awareness, who want to do much good to our society. In order to be more explicit and better understood, I will tell you quite frankly that I am talking about writing on the arse. Especially, I repeat, writing the rare and important books from ancient times, in large numbers, on such a splendid support would ensure high circulation and it would stimulate young gentlemen to study day and night, with great pleasure.
Of course, a new type of pen and a new type of ink will be necessary and these should be invented very soon and patented worldwide and, for their use it will be absolutely necessary to collect the royalties, which would be so useful to our Fatherland and our fellow citizens !
The books that consist of lots of text will be written on the asses of some gentle, patient and voluptuous ladies, with big asses. The short, shining pearls of wisdom, the sayings, proverbs, slogans and the most important short communications will be written on the asses of slim, quick ladies, endowed with much energy and passion. Just imagine, gentlemen, how many well-developed asses will be necessary for the pages of some very big books, like the Epic of Gilgamesh or Ramayana and Mahabharata ! According to the same procedures it will be possible to write the Bible from Mamaia, the Coran from Sulina, as well as the Code of Hammurabi.
On the bases of gender equality, I am convinced that in our Fatherland there should be enough lady politicians so that the Constitution of our country to be easily written on their asses, together with the subsequent amendments and, also, the Penal Code and the Civil Code.
Due to the formidable prestige we would gain from this invention, very probably, a form of calligraphic tourism will be created. The ladies from the North and the West of the EU and, most probably the ones from European countries outside the EU, like Switzerland and Norway will visit us to participate in numerous sessions of writing on the ass. Most of them, just for the sake of new and sensational experiences ! This practice will also stimulate the cementing of new ties and social relationships because, obviously, the pages of a book must be kept together, in the framework of some very durable groups of determined and energetic ladies, endowed with civic spirit. These ladies will later come to our country, during holidays and weekends, in organized groups and they will offer themselves in ample reading sessions. In the meantime, of course, they could participate in conversations among each other or listen to music or have some lemonade or a glass of wine.
The works of Marx, Engels and Lenin, for example, could be written, in thousands of copies, on the asses of the ladies from the PLA in China, as well as on the asses of the comrades from the Chinese Communist Party. This most difficult but thrilling task will be delegated to lots and lots of young unemployed gentlemen from my country. They will work using specialized laser guidance devices for Chinese ideograms and I am pretty sure that they will fulfill their mission perfectly. Here I should mention that the asses of most Chinese ladies might be a bit too small and tender, but this is not an impediment. Due to the abundance of such writing support in that country and, also, due to the excellent cohesion of the groups of interests I strongly affirm that we should be very optimistic. And, if for some very unlikely reason our fellow countrymen do not do an excellent job, we can also hire and pay some young gentlemen from Cuba, which are smaller, faster, more hard-working, more talkative and cheerful. These will be paid initially from sources provided by friendly societies that I will mention below and later from royalties.
Dear friends, I have lived nicely in three democratic countries in Europe but I strongly affirm that the Chinese Communist Party is superb, it is strong, we can trust it because it is limited to the asses of the Chinese ladies, it never needed and will never need foreign support in this respect, we can be absolutely sure about that ! I can give my word for this !
These techniques of writing on the ass, invented in Romania, could be patented on EU level and used in the EU framework for various tasks, such as making copies of important documents and reports. For the first time, the endless, boring reports specific for the EU will be read with pleasure by those involved. The new decisions of the EU Council should be written on the asses of some voluptuous German or Dutch ladies and, maybe, on the asses of some Russian and Ukrainian ladies that have much civic spirit. This will stimulate the EC to issue new decisions. Lots of new jobs will be created, because it is not easy at all to write or print such a great volume of texts on the ass; it will be pleasant and very motivating, but for this it is necessary to have serious resources for existence. It is a hard job, it is for professionals, not volunteers. The scribes and secretaries employed in this domain will have to be paid really well.
Moreover, we are dearly inviting euroskeptical politicians and citizens to write EU-specific texts on the ass, because we hope they will change their attitude. Let’s see first who would refuse ! I mean, it is very tempting to just go ahead and write. Or maybe they will refuse in public but they will write in secret, in a clandestine manner and they will be filmed and exposed, with proofs ! Just imagine, dear fellow EU citizens, a determined and energetic man like Nigel Farrage passionately copying EU laws on the ass and being filmed, pictured, caught red-handed and scolded publicly ! But still there are some risks, I must warn you ! We are risking great blunders ! It is possible that some of the euroskeptics will not write any European laws on the ladies’ asses, but poetry or maybe some Hungarian-style lyrical prose or the Grimm Brothers’ tales. Can you imagine, my dears, what a terrible disappointment would this be for us and the secret service and what a huge and complicated scandal could evolve ! It could be a subject for a best-seller novel ! This would be a new source of income and a new subject for writing on the ass !
The trans-European activities of writing on the ass could become a fashion trend and an opportunity for socializing, where the ladies from Europe’s upper class could bring their female friends or business partners to get written on the ass by young, handsome scribes from Romania. This would be a wonderful experience for everybody.
This is a very likely example of conversation in a group of ladies:
- Dear Mitzi, where are you going on vacation this summer ?
- Girls, I thought about participating in a session of writing on the ass, in Romania. An artist wants to promote his new volume of novellas this way. We have been invited to become beautiful pages in his book ! The artist already prepared a group of gorgeous young students for this purpose !
- Dear Mitzi, of course we’ll coming with you ! This is your best vacation idea so far, this is really amazing !
So, most probably this is how they will carry out these large scale campaigns of writing books and laws on the ladies’ asses ! For this we should do all we can to provide the necessary material base and the logistics for the production of the adequate writing tools !
For the initial financial sources I propose to use some international funds, before collecting any royalties. I hope we’ll use the cornucopia represented by some worldwide organizations; our project will be presented to Bill Gates, Tim Cook and Larry Alison as a pleasant, healthy alternative to computer usage. We’ll also get in touch with the gentlemen from the Vatican because we all know that they enthusiastically support any initiative that is good for society. At the same time I hope we’ll benefit from the generosity of some fine gentlemen from those countries where oil flows abundantly. We will invite here all the generous donors from the Vatican as well as the Arab noblemen and oil magnates to exercise their writing skills. The Muslim minorities in Europe will gain cultural benefits from this.
I would also like to ask the ladies of our Homeland and all the ladies who are interested in our project one important question: in order to stimulate the ladies to read, on what should we write ? I am looking forward to your kind answers.
Please send me advice and suggestions in the comments below !
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